Just a frog in the well

Sometimes when I try to explain to my mom an intellectual or scientific concept that I've just learnt about and it goes completely over her head, she'll say (in Chinese), "Yeah, I don't get it. I'm just a frog in the well."

"A frog in a well" is an old Chinese idiom that refers to an individual who is confined to a really small world view due to the lack of variety in their life experiences. For some individuals, the narrow perspective through which they view the world is due to socioeconomic circumstances and an unfortunate lack of opportunities. For others, it's by choice.

In 2007, I had some free time and chose to volunteer at a drop-in service referral centre for youth aged 14 to 24. During my stint there, I was able to help these at-risk or already-in-trouble youth with simple things like: provide them with some food in exchange for chores, point them in the direction of the nearest medicentre or help them with their job search. Other times we would play chess, watch a movie or just hang out on these revoltingly stained, beige suede couches that reeked of the stereotypical stale, pungent, streetperson smell. During the various conversations that I felt honored to be invited into, I kept hearing the same stories. All of them were living a hand to mouth existence, bouncing from job to job, surviving on PJ sandwiches and instant noodles, staying in an unhealthy relationship, or getting excited about the start of a soon-to-be unhealthy relationship, pregnancy scares, and along with the "Oh NO... I'm really pregnant. Not again." As an outsider, the dysfunctionality was so blatant. But to them, the details of their lives were completely normal. They have never experienced having healthy, loving relationships with non-abusive family members and partners. They have never experienced sleeping in a comfy bed, and not having to worry about where their crackhead parents are and if they'll finally buy food tomorrow. They have no idea what's like to handle their workplace angry or frustrations in a way that keeps them from getting fired. To them, life just doesn't get better than when you have someone to hold and sleep with, even if it's just for a little while, even if they mistreat you; or if you managed to score two brown bags of food from Herb Jamieson instead of the one; or you were able to spent a hour at the referral centre catching up with your buddies on Nexopia; or you don't have to sleep at the shelter today, because a friend is letting you crash on their couch. We non-homeless people see all the potential that life has in store for them. But they might not, they are all like little frogs living down a well, not knowing that a big and wonderful world is outside and not having the expectation for anything better.

Don't despair folks. As bleak as the situation at the drop-in centre might seem, occasionally one of the little frogs do realize that they need to get out of the well and they will try and try again until they do.

As for a less dramatic example, one day after work, I was carpooling with a young co-worker, David, who was sharing about how greatly his life has been enriched by his travels. He explained that one of the main reasons he still drives his dented, rusted out '93 Corolla was that he chose to spent his savings on traveling rather than a new car. David believes that he's gotten way more out of life than his older brother, who's a recent grad, and chose the new car route. I responded, "You place a high priority on expanding your life experiences and worldview. But not everyone thinks that way. Your brother and other people may be perfectly satisfied with their lives because they don't know what they're missing."

So there you have it. Two examples of "Frog in the Well".

Sometimes, thinking of the kids at the drop-in centre makes me wonder if in some ways, I am still just a Frog in the Well. Are there any areas in my life where I am simply settling for what is easy and comfortable? How can I challenge myself beyond status quo? I fully believe that the biggest rewards in life come with the biggest risks. The most important thing to remember is that new experiences do not just fall into one's lap. They must be actively pursued, or else by default we will take the path of least resistance, and just simply do what we've always done and continue to be the person that we've always been.